I went to bed and woke up with a very, very heavy heart. I'm not going to say that I'm alone and that nobody loves me because I know that I have my friends and my family, I'm not that ungrateful, but I don't feel any love right now. And to me those are two different things. That doesn't mean my friends are treating me differently or that my family doesn't care about me, that's not what I mean. I guess it's just one of those days where you don't feel like anything is truly yours and you question everything that everyone says and does and the littlest thing just brings you down and you create all these moments of self pity in your head and you listen to a thousand songs that make you fucking depressed. I haven't been obviously secluded and distant or anything, but I feel alone. These past 24 hours especially. And I think I know why but I don't want to believe it, because I'm an ignorant fuck to things like that.
But anywho the point in saying all of this is that when you stop thinking and listening to this depressing songs and you see cute little things like the notes your friends randomly leave you on your essays or the messages they send you on msn that pops up in your window while theyre meant to be studying kind of snaps you out of that emo-i-hate-myself spell. It does for me atleast. So today, Julie's little "no Julie" in my Pros and Cons table in my school diary, Jess' little message about my accidental rhyming in my english practice essay and Khoa's little window popping up in the corner of my screen really really like REALLY make me smile and remember to stop being such a sad, emo fuck.
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